Soft Shell is Hardcore

This is a hilarious email forwarded to me by a friend, who received it on their grad school listserv. My only comment is that Cameron Millard better watch out, as he stole Harry Reid’s nickname. I am very sad I missed it:

THE THROWDOWN IN TINSELTOWN

Members of the UCLA Urban Planning Class of 2008 are proud to present what is surely the premier sporting event of the summer, and quite possibly the most important event in the history of the world. The THROWDOWN IN TINSELTOWN is a no-holds-barred, heavyweight eating contest that will take place FRIDAY, JULY 27 th in glamorous Hollywood, California. You have heard the talk. You have felt the anticipation. On Friday, the talking stops, the anticipation crests, and the eating begins. There is no doubt that all who attend will witness stunning feats of intestinal fortitude, and gain a greater understanding of what it means to be human. Do not miss this event.

THE CHALLENGE:

Two men. One room. Thirty minutes. Seventy soft -shell Dell tacos. Winner take all.

THE CONTESTANTS:

BRYAN DANIEL LOBEL (New Jersey, United States): A shadowy figure about whom little is known, El Lucha Lobel (aka the Terror of Trenton) has eaten his way across multiple continents. He weighs in at 196 pounds. Witnesses confirm that he has eaten four Big Macs in three minutes. A renowned omnivore, legend has it that his competitive eating career began when he became lost as a child in New Jersey’s desolate Pine Barrens, where to survive he ate a puma, two moose and a pine tree—”because it looked big.” A true Renaissance man, Lobel has climbed the Machu Picchu, wrestled a live walrus on local access cable television, served as Colorado Bureau Chief for Coastal Living magazine, and been fourth runner-up in the City of Camden haiku slam. He claims to have invented the slot machine.

CAMERON MILLARD (Oregon, United States): In his long career he has been known as the Oregon Oboe, the Two Balloons, the Volvo Vampire, the Stormin’ Mormon, the Ambassador of Abstinence, and the Yeti of the Serengeti. He tips the scales at 185 pounds, although rumors swirl that fully 57 of those pounds are accounted for by his stomach, making him both feared competitor and anatomical marvel. A remorseless eating machine, he was able to eat an entire medium pizza by age 12, and today can eat a Maria’s calzone in less than ten minutes. Millard is an alumnus of the USC marching band, he has lived in Africa, he works at Caltrans, and he has won three of the last five North American synchronized swimming championships. He is trained as a ninja and is capable of willing himself invisible.

THE TIME AND PLACE:

7513 Fountain Ave, Apt 2, Los Angeles , CA.

8:00 PM

Tickets are $2. All seats must be reserved. All bets will be taken. “Soft shell is hard core.”

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