Football Longings

Look at how happy Oliver Willis is after his team won.  I’m jealous.

Living in LA, I have no ‘real’ team to root for, as all legitimate possibilities — Chargers, Niners, Raiders, and expat Rams — don’t really feel like my team. So even though I embraced traditional masculine roles and watched football for most of Sunday, I have none of the vicarious pleasure of Willis. Or even the resigned depression of Zeitlin watching the 1st installment of 16 crushing defeats.

All this to say, LA really needs a team. The team should have to pay to upgrade the Coliseum out of their own pockets, but they should definitely come. I even know who we should get: the Jets. Here’s my case:

  1. They suck. See today’s 38-14 route by the Patriots.
  2. The 77,900 Jets fans were Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the NFL” for cheering when their quarterback was injured. As punishment, they should lose their team.
  3. New York already has two teams. That’s greedy.
  4. Jets fandom is a cruel affliction I would wish on no one. Moving the team gives us the hope of a cure. Not for current Jets fans; they are a lost cause. But for their children, who will grow up to be Giants fans.
  5. The Jets need their own stadium, but when they try to build one in New York they piss everyone off. Harder to mess up an already existing facility.

Note that I don’t want to actually root for this Jets team after the move; It’s hard for me to think of a group of players less exciting. Probably it’d be better to make all their players free agents and just run an expansion draft. But then: football! Back in LA! At last!

2 comments to Football Longings

  • My cousins in Orange County call my team the “Traitors,” but that’s not wholly relevant. I’d go with the Chargers, I’d love to root for LT and his 31 touchdowns of goodness.

  • Yeah, that would be pretty satisfying — of course, you know first hand how fun it sometimes isn’t to root for a Norv Turner coached team.

    The real problem rooting for the Chargers is that I used to make fun of them when they were losing. Enough that it’d be hard to tell friends that I’m a Charger fan now.

    I’ll root for them, but it’s not quite the same.

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